Monday, September 20, 2010

Dear Tony and Forgiveness Part 1

Dear Tony,

I used to want to meet you, just to tell you that I hate everything about you, and the way you do what you do. I wanted to tell you that you were a nothing but a stupid nigger and that was all you would ever be. I wanted to know how you thought it was right to get a woman pregnant, call her a liar and say that there was no child at all, tell her she was a whore and that if there was a child, it wasn’t yours, then curse the bastard. After doing all that you threatened my mom, your baby’s mama that if she ever did look for you, you would join the army, she would never find you and you would never pay child support. I have hated you for so long. I had no reason to care about someone who never cared about me, who hated me. I wanted to tell you I hated you because you hurt me, your tore me down. I thought I needed you more than anything but wanted to tell you that I was better off without you. You made me believe that my mom and grandma were the only ones who cared about me and that no one else ever could including my dad, my real dad the one who is there for me, and is more than just a sperm donor, like you.

Recently I have found someone that has turned everything around. This someone is Jesus. He built me back up. He helped me forgive you, which took 17 years and a lot of prayer. He did this by forgiving me for everything I have done the past few years. I still may want to meet you, but it’s not to tear you down. Telling you you’re horrible won’t make me any better. We are both only human. It doesn’t make what you did right or help me to understand. I no longer hate you. Without you I would not be here. I would not be who I am today. You have shown me that I do not need you, or any man except Jesus Christ, the one who died for me and loves me unconditionally. This is just one of the things he has helped me with over the last four years. Now I do want to meet you, not for advice, but to thank you for making me stronger, bringing me closer to God (although that was Him), and for giving me the challenge of loving someone who hates me, wanted to kill me (abortion is homicide) and the world tells me to hate.

Thank you,

Your loving daughter,


*** This was written when I was in HS.  I think I was a sophomore or senior.  So maybe in 2004 or 2006.

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